His first...his last

Smiling he lets out
his breath, last
remembering till the end
of his memory then
of her...she his first
she whom he had never kissed
she with whom he never dared to talk
or hold hands and go for a lovely walk
she whom he had only watched from afar..and lived
 only to, to love, so he lived
with love from his heart
with love from his very soul
never letting her know
keeping feeling buried within

yet, in time, it was him
he, who saved her from herself
when she tried to take her life, her own
when she was broken, battered, all alone
it was him who left flowers in her doorsteps
with a note without name
"You are not alone, you can win, soon...get well soon.."
it was him disguising as a nurse, all covered up
singing her lullaby till she had slept sound

And then...it was him...who else but him!
who stood by the door of the church
watching her so happy, so radiant in her white gown
married to another man,  rich charming handsome
which he himself, he, couldn't be, he never was, to begin with..

Still he smiles now, like then
feeling her joy, so attuned to her happiness
her's was his, so it was, and so it is
a beautiful light she, she always radiant
she who made him, whole again
when once she had smiled, by chance
without disgust, without repulsion
despite the crossed eyes his
despite the disfigured jaws
despite the clumsy walk his
despite all nature forgot to bless him with
bitter he couldn't be
from then, again or ever
he changed for the better
for she is became a part of his nature
he couldn't not love
he couldn't not care about
until the very end
as the breath his rattles
in the room down below, the basement
all alone, in the dampness, surrounded in dark
yet, without loneliness a shred
he smiles knowing she is here
here with him
with that smile, that memory of smile
as he lets out his last
smiling laughing in joy
she, his first...
she, his last...